Loving you

I have recently been struggling with the lack of emotional feedback from Little Froggy. The last time I remember her telling me that she loved me (without a ton of coaching) was when she was little--like, two years old, little. This can be hard to cope with when we've had a really tough week or when it's just me and her at home and I'd really just like to hear SOMEBODY say it.

The catch with all of this is that once in a while, if her daddy or her MeMe is on speaker phone talking to her, and they tell her they love her, once in a blue moon she'll say it back. And she says all the time that she loves this toy, or that one, or the cats.

Tonight one of the cats was sitting on the back of my computer chair and Little Froggy was standing next to me, talking to the cat. She said, "I love you, Kitty!"

Of course, there was the knife through my heart. But it also crossed my mind that maybe she has trouble expressing her emotions in a context where someone can respond or where someone can see her. I know that probably doesn't make sense but she won't say it in person or to someone who can talk back. I know that autistic kids sometimes have issues with expressing emotion and she's probably no exception. Knowing that is the only thing that has kept me sane some days.

Even though I realize that maybe it's an intimidation thing, the part where I'm sitting right in front of her all the time and it's hard for her to say those things to someone who can make eye contact or talk back or whatever it is, it still gets to me.

She'll say it to the cat but not to me.

She's nicer to the cat than she is to her own mother.

*sigh*